An Appetite for (Self) Destruction

Today it is one of those days.

My rebellious little shit stirrer alter ego has decided that she wants to cause trouble and come out and play. I’ve been feeling a little agitated for the past week, like I needed something but can’t quite figure what out what it is that I want to do. Earlier in the week, on a whim, I ordered a brand new Mac Book Pro with Retina Display, and I’m getting antsy waiting for that to arrive. I thought that might satiate the itch inside me that something isn’t quite right.

it didn’t.

This morning I had an appointment with my Psych. I had been seeing her every 2 months, but I wasn’t so good the last time (2 weeks ago) so I had another appointment much sooner. Apparently I was a good enough liar about how I was doing to satisfy her opinion that I won’t need to see her again until the end of the month. I didn’t deliberately lie, well I guess I did – but I swear it wasn’t me, it was the shit stirrer part of me.

So before I even finished work today my alter ego had already decided what I was going to do when I got home. I have been home for about an hour. I am sitting on my bed, listening to Colour of Bone, and I’ve already downed 1/2 a bottle of White Rum – first mixing it with a Creamy Soda flavoured 7-11 Slurpee, and now with Solo Lemon Soda. Apparently today I wanted to go on a binge and get myself drunk – home alone like a loser. I’m not really feeling it’s effect yet, which is funny because I honestly don’t usually drink. On the odd occasion I have an alcoholic drink (like once every 2-3 months) it will be one drink and only one drink.

But today apparently binge drinking is on the agenda. Normally I’d have enough discipline and self control to just weather that storm of restlessness. But today, my alter ego is too strong and she says “Fuck It”.

Good thing I don’t get the kids back until Sunday – hopefully it will all blow over, and the little bitch alter ego will be back in her box before then.

Ohhhh I think the drinks are starting to kick in…