Oh [insert expletives here] it’s 3:28am and I’m not asleep yet. It’s all my fault of course, I was distracted and forgot to take my medication. Through trial and error I have found the optimum time to take my medication is at 8:30pm. 1/2 an hour earlier than that and I wake up far too early (like 4am early). 1/2 an hour later than that and I’m too drowsy to wake up in the morning. And if I don’t take it at all – I don’t sleep.
I always assumed that the sleeplessness wouldn’t really occur unless there had been a prolonged period of withdrawal. But it seems that even missing one dose keeps me awake all night long. Which is painful when you have two darling children who always seem to require your full attention by 7am at the latest.
I’m so exhausted, I can’t stop yawning, I’m feeling nauseous, and my eyes are watering. But I lie in the dark and sleep just won’t come. My mind is racing, my body is agitated, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. Like an addict I need the hit. But I can’t take my meds now – if I do it will mess me right up. I can’t afford to be drowsy all day, I have children that I cannot neglect.
So I have to hope that I can make it through the day, I just have to hold on long enough. If I can reach 8:30pm in one piece I can sleep through the night. Theoretically anyway.