I’m feeling a little bit loved today. A few of my colleagues at work were making a very impressive joint effort to get me to say yes to attending our works Christmas party next month. One of my teammates even said he’d give me a ride there and back! That is a big deal for an introvert like me.
A lot of my introversion stems from my severe lack of self esteem. I am constantly terrified that people don’t like me. Even at work though I get along with people, I have this part of me that still believes that none of them would really want to engage with me in a social situation. So because of this fear I tend to avoid social functions at work. Ironically, this probably makes people think I’m stuck up and not really want to socialise with me.
For people to genuinely try to convince me to come (not just a half hearted “oh you should go” and leave it at that) makes me actually want to go. And gives me warm feelings of actually being accepted. This is fantastic because my mind is evil to me and constantly gives me an irrational nagging worry that I’m only tolerated and not accepted.
The burning question now is – can I actually bite the bullet and make myself go?
A Mercurial Peculiarity 
Go under your own steam so you can leave whenever you need to?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like this idea – it’s how I approach most social interactions.
Except the only thing is that I’d have to drive almost 40minutes there and back – and knowing me, I’d only want to stay an hour, two max if I’driving so it wouldn’t be worth it at all.
Having a ride would mean I’d be forced to stay until my ride went home, but I wouldn’t have the headache of driving. This is a bonus because I’m really not keen on driving into the city, trying to find parking, and driving home again. Not when I hate going to the city in the first place.
Argh I’m over thinking this now 😀 So typical of me. Technically I have until next Friday to make my decision, if management will stop hassling me about doing the R.S.V.P thing. The deadline is Friday next week but they keep sending out emails telling people to respond. And I hate being rushed into a decision!
LikeLike
I can totally relate; pity it’s so far away.
LikeLike
For me the distance to a function is inversely proportional to my desire to attend. In other words the further the distance the less like I am to want to attend!
It always seems like too much effort for not enough payoff.
Mind you: the whole distance vs desire thing apparently doesn’t work when it comes to my favourite band. The fact that they are in the UK (I’m in Australia) is NOT stopping me from wishing like mad I could fly over there next month to attend their first gig. Even though it’s in a bar, and I’m horrified by the thought of the sweaty bodies of strangers being pressed against me in a crowded bar. My skin is crawling even thinking about that!! hahaha
LikeLike
Lol…sometimes logic just fucks right off xD
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Karlee, I wish I could give you a big hug, there is so much pain in your posts. I would love to say Please go it might be fun, but would say the idea suggested is great – go under your own steam so you are able to leave if you feel too uncomfortable. We had a team function today – strike bowling and Karaoke, its the first time I’ve been to a karaoke function, it was great fun. I cannot absolutely not hold a tune, but I ended up singing anyway 🙂 Let’s not let a lack of tune stop me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! Karaoke, I love singing but NOT when people can hear me. My entire life is surrounded with music: I listen to it almost all day everywhere, and if I can’t hear music I’m playing it in my head. And it’s most mortifying at work on the occasions I forget myself and start singing out loud. Worse still when I realise I’m singing and dancing in the aisle at the supermarket and people are watching me!
LikeLike
I feel your hesitance. I myself, am NOT attending our xmas do. You’re very brave. When you feel like pulling out, remind yourself that the fear of going is bigger in your head, than it is in reality. And it sounds like your colleagues really care about you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know that I am definitely my own worst enemy. I’ve always sabotaged myself when it comes to just doing things like socialising. But I want to try not do it this time. I’m not sure how successful I will be – but I want to try.
LikeLike