Last Friday Night

Man am I feeling really seedy today. I overdid the whole “loosen up and don’t be such an uptight stick in the mud” resolution that I’d made for myself.

Last night I went out. I work for a bank selling General Insurance – and the company that underwrites the insurance products hosted their annual Christmas Party for all of their business partners that work in the same financial sector as us.

I decided that I was going to treat myself and booked a hotel room in the city for the night that was near to the bar. I figured I would take total advantage of a night off from the kids and pamper myself. My plan was to go to the party for a couple of hours and then go back to the hotel room and indulge in some room service and a couple of movies.

Something put paid to that idea. I can’t pinpoint what it was exactly but there was free drinks and food and I was having some good conversation with my workmates. The thing is that I’m not really a drinker – I’ll have one maybe two drinks once in blue moon and be over it and not drink any alcohol for months. Last night I somehow managed to get started and found myself knocking back the drinks. Not just one type of alcoholic drink either – I went from wine, to bourbon, to scotch, to rum, to vodka – I was drinking whatever the person I was talking to was drinking (except beer, never beer)

Four or five drinks in, and I decided I needed a cigarette. I do not smoke, never technically been a smoker. Years ago I went through a period of time where I’d have a couple when I went out but that only lasted a couple months. I was never a legit smoker. I bummed a cig from my mate, and it just snowballed from there. I must have had near on 15 drinks in total last night, and probably around 10 cigarettes too.

Everyone at the party got well smashed including yours truly. And yet I really surprised myself because I didn’t get silly or trashy or sick. I spent the whole night merry but still very much aware and on good behaviour. I started conversations with people who work at other banks – I was very nicely loosened up and introverted Karlee was nowhere in sight.

After the party all the guys and girls from my work headed to the casino to continue the night. I was outside having a cig with my team mate (he’s my work bestie) and somehow he and I found ourselves stuck in a conversation with this random couple. It was really bizarre because he and I are both introverts (he’s INFJ and I’m INFP) and yet we found ourselves in really heavy conversation with this couple for a long time. Both he and I were quite puzzled at how we ended up talking to them when we finally managed to extricate ourselves.

I’m super proud that I managed to get out of my shell and talk to strangers. But I’m a bit sad that it took so much alcohol to get me there. And I really did not sleep well when I got back to the hotel room. I had a massive headache as I started to sober up. I also started to feel sick from the smell of the cigarettes and the taste of ash in my mouth. I had to shower, and I brushed my teeth like four times. Then climbed I into bed with a cold and wet face washer over my eyes and forehead. Eventually the headache left but I started feeling really dizzy and sick. Lying down made me dizzy, sitting up made me dizzy. It was horrible.

I finally managed to get some sleep. But all day long I’ve felt my stomach churning, and still can’t get the smell of cigarettes out of my nostrils, and ash in my mouth. I feel so sick even thinking about alcohol or cigarette smoke. So I’ve definitely changed my mind at this stage and won’t be going to our work Christmas Party. Not when it’s going to take me at least a week to recover from last night.

But I will say this – I had fun, even though I’m paying dearly for it today.

A Bad (Holiday) Romance

I have previously talk about how naive and awkward I am when it comes to romance. When I was 22 I unwittingly added being an asshole to my list. I was getting over my first serious relationship and decided to take off for a two week vacation in Hawaii. Overseas alone was a very daunting expedition for an introvert who was still living at home. However, I stayed in a hostel in Waikīkī, and even met two really delightful English girls and became instant friends.

One night they took me to a pub they’d found and introduced me to the joys of a Long Island Iced Tea; and watched the 74th Academy Awards on the big screen TV.  There were a couple of guys at this pub who I believe the lasses had encountered on a previous day because they came over and joined the table. One of the guys, his name was Jake (at least I’m pretty sure it was, shit dude sorry if it isn’t – now I’m an even bigger asshole!!) came across as rather cocky and sure of himself, and the girls didn’t really care for him all that much.

But he got to talking with me, probably because I was the only one polite enough to respond and pay attention. And it turned out he was actually a decent sort, cocky yes, but very intelligent and witty. It turned out we had a few things in common, an interest in Ancient Egypt and old classic films. Somehow, I got to calling him Humphrey Bogart (he said was his favourite actor) and he was calling me Audrey Hepburn (my favourite actress). It was a fun night and I did come away with just a little crush on Bogart (I’ll keep calling him that, just in case his name isn’t Jake ^^’ )

I ended up going to North Shore for a few days with the girls and came back to Waikīkī the day before I was scheduled to return to Australia. That night, on a whim, I decided to go to the pub, just in case Bogart was there. And he was there. He started buying me drinks. We had some pretty deep conversation going, and major flirting too.

It gets late and I’m on the happy side of tipsy and decide I’d better call it a night and head back to my dorm. Bogart walks with me until the intersection where his apartment is a different direction to my dorm. And he gives me the most spellbinding passionate kiss, like straight out of one of my favourite movies. Dead set, it was amazing. And now that he’s charmed me with that incredible kiss, I find myself going with him to his apartment.

A few times I stop walking to half heartedly say I should probably be going back to my dorm. Keep in mind I’m not saying this because I really wanted to go back to my dorm. I’m only saying it because part of me knew it was very improper to take off with a complete stranger in another country. He distracts me with kisses trailing up my arm, my neck and to my mouth … of course I am putty in his very expert hands and my thoughts have turned to mush and I can only think how much I want him.

Seriously those kisses were captivating, I’d not been kissed like that before. It was like he walked straight out of my mind and into real life – his personality, his kisses, his unconventional cuteness it was all like my ideal mate come to life.

Except for the bit that came after.

I don’t have much to say except that the sex really was actually pretty disappointing. So we ended up falling asleep at some point and when I wake up the next morning, I realise with dismay just how much better my holiday fantasy would have been if I hadn’t actually slept with him. I am also shockingly aware of just how awkward and uncomfortable I feel right now because I desperately want a shower and a toothbrush (fucking alcohol fuelled morning breath).

I tell him I’ve really got to go and I hurriedly throw on my clothes, distractedly rebuffing his offer of breakfast. He goes to give me a kiss goodbye and I hold out my hand (like offering a handshake) and say it was nice to meet him and thanks for the memory.

Yeah real smooth, sleeping with someone and then shaking their hand like “it’s pleasure doing business with you”. I didn’t want him to kiss me because I was paranoid about the fact I felt unclean – I hate even talking to people when my mouth doesn’t feel clean, let alone kissing. But of course I came off as an asshole by totally brushing him off, which wasn’t my intention at all.

So um I guess I owe you an apology Jake (yeah that’s totally your name, I’m sure of it now) – I’m really sorry about being such an asshole. I did quite like you, and if I wasn’t such a freak about my having clean teeth and such, you would have gotten at least one more kiss out of me. I probably would have gone another round with you too, just in case it was alcohol that made the sex suck. At least I hope it was the alcohol, and not you. (SHIT! I’m still being an asshole…sorry Jake!)