I’m Party Animal

As I wrote previously I went out last week for a Christmas Party, got more drunk than I had any right to be, and stayed out till like 4am. Next weekend I have my work Christmas Party. I don’t think I’ll be drinking but I’m definitely going – I’ve agreed to give a mate a ride there and back to force myself to attend! And for the first time since gosh I can’t remember (maybe 1999! haha) I have some tentative plans for New Years Eve.

Look out party girl Karlee is on the loose!!

Not really, the NYE plans aren’t huge. I’m going to my brother and his girlfriend’s place – they are having some friends over to celebrate the new year. It will be the first time since having my children that I won’t be with them. Their dad is going to take them to see his parents a few days after Christmas (they live in the country) and he’ll bring them back sometime early January.

I normally spend New Year’s Eve in bed asleep, helps stave off the depression of ringing in another year that will probably end up being as shitty as the previous one. It’s usually just another night … but this time it’s probably going to be awkward as heck when all the couples invited to my brothers place give their significant others big New Years kisses. Oh cripes if I don’t stop thinking about that I’ll end up making up some terribly transparent excuse to not go. And I can’t do that, my brother already worries about me and is over protective enough as it is! He’d probably kick down my door and drag me to his place if I made up an excuse.

At least the NYE thing will be casual. I have to dress up for the Christmas function this weekend. The theme is like cocktail (or something like that) with a “touch of bling” if there was ever a word I hated it is bling. If I was a smart ass I’d turn up with a diamond grill in my mouth and a giant gangster chain round my neck. But I’m not that brave, so I got a couple of understated pieces of jewellery and a pair of silver shoes to wear with a black dress. The shoes are quite pretty, not really the kind of thing I’d go for in usual circumstances – but I think they’ll fit the theme really well. Plus they fit my obscenely giant feet!

But I think 3 parties will tide me over until the end of next year! haha!

Picking Up Good Vibrations

I’m feeling a little bit loved today. A few of my colleagues at work were making a very impressive joint effort to get me to say yes to attending our works Christmas party next month. One of my teammates even said he’d give me a ride there and back! That is a big deal for an introvert like me.

A lot of my introversion stems from my severe lack of self esteem. I am constantly terrified that people don’t like me. Even at work though I get along with people, I have this part of me that still believes that none of them would really want to engage with me in a social situation. So because of this fear I tend to avoid social functions at work. Ironically, this probably makes people think I’m stuck up and not really want to socialise with me.

For people to genuinely try to convince me to come (not just a half hearted “oh you should go” and leave it at that) makes me actually want to go. And gives me warm feelings of actually being accepted. This is fantastic because my mind is evil to me and constantly gives me an irrational nagging worry that I’m only tolerated and not accepted.

The burning question now is – can I actually bite the bullet and make myself go?