Once there was a girl whose optimism and perpetual positivity shone like the sun. She envisioned a happy life surrounded by friends, and someday, joined at the heart with a man who would be the love of her life.
But reality had a different idea…
As she grew older, the girl learned that trusting others was a mistake that would lead, time and again, to metaphorical “knives in the back” and ultimately heartache over the betrayals. Her heart may as well have been made of glass, for it was very fragile. And each time it was broken, shattered into a million pieces, she could never quite piece it back together again.
Time marched on. “Friends” continued hurting her.
The girl withdrew, building walls around her heart so strong and impenetrable not even those closest to her could get through. She retreated into her mind, creating rich fantasies, filling them with illusions of love and acceptance she couldn’t find on the outside.
Relationships became few and slipped away quickly, for she could never truly risk giving enough of herself to another person. Even the one she gave the most of herself to, couldn’t hold onto her as she slipped away back inside her fortress walls. He gave up, gave in, and left her alone. Again.
And now…
She has forsaken the dreams of love and friendships, and chosen a reality where her heart and soul are locked away where no one can touch her, no one can hurt her. She has chosen the pain of loneliness over the pain of betrayal. She hides in her mind as much as she can, the only place she feels at home.
She doesn’t expect anyone to understand. No one has ever really understood her anyway…
A Mercurial Peculiarity 
Totally relate to choosing loneliness over betrayal and being misunderstood
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Love your blog and I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award. You can find my questions and the rules here;
http://alittleplaceofmyown.wordpress.com/2014/10/25/my-first-award/
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Mental illnesses of any kind often have a spiritual origin. Have you ever considered this ?! Sometimes human betrayals happen to ALLOW the Divine to move in and reveal a greater purpose in life. My two cents
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Your words so move me. Have you ever considered that the roots of these issues could have a spiritual origin ? I don’t mean religion, I mean the spiritual dimension that is as real and the basis for the physical. Sometimes, the deeper purpose to life is revealed through pain and this makes you very special. As Kahlil Gibran said, “Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses my understanding.”
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Thank you for you kind comments.
To be honest, I don’t have any belief in the supernatural including the notion of spirituality. My understanding of the universe and everything in it is deep rooted in science.
I believe there is a completely natural explanation for everything – even if we don’t have the answers right now, even if we may never know some of those answers.
I find it breathtaking that synaptic transmissions are responsible for forming my imagination. I marvel at the fact electrochemical communications between the neurons in my brain can create such rich stories in my mind.
I’m definitely not against spirituality: each to their own I say. It’s just not something I contemplate ever.
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When you find an explanation for the ‘supernatural ‘ it is called natural ! Science is fascinating and so too the example you have quoted about the brain. But science is still a tool. Needs the human being to wield it. What if there is this Loving, Conscious, Omnipotent ENERGY (many call it God) that is behind everything that we see, that we do sense in deep moments of grief or joy, but that is beyond the understanding of the senses or the brain ? What if like the wave and the ocean, we are a part of this, but we aren’t aware still and hence unable to access its huge potential for joy and LOVE in our lives. This awareness of basic unity with the Source of everything changes us from lonely atoms in an unfriendly world to conscious entities in a Loving Universe ! WHAT IF ???!!
I respect your views totally. Sometimes one feels like sharing a treasure one has glimpsed, nothing more to it here in these comments. Joy and peace to you !
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Hi Karlee, thank you so much for your encouraging words today. It just seemed to be exactly what I was needing to hear. Have been feeling really despondent today and wondering do I really want to be writing and having my thoughts out in the public domain. But reading your little note really helped me to realize sometimes we can help others by the words we say. So will preserve 🙂 I hope you are well too? It must be hard living with Bipolar disorder, I’ve wondered in the past if I have it, but I think my diagnosis is more just mood swings was such. Like today. Keep well 🙂
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I don’t really think anyone has an “easy” life. For me some days are harder than others. But I try to hold onto the good ones as tight as I can. I try to remind myself that good days will come. I am glad my small words of encouragement gave you a little cheer, I meant every word.
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Thank you, your sincerity did come through. I have been thinking of your words, that’s why I thought I must come back and tell you how much they mean to me 🙂 I took a photo today for photo101 and never felt like posting it because of my low mood, but have posted it now 🙂 It is in the building where I work, I took it from the kitchen during lunch, it is quite odd to see the workplace in a different light.
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Meant to type *persevere not preserve!
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Good morning!
I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award. If you’d like to accept, you can find the “rules” here:
You’re such a huge inspiration to me, and I want to thank you for sharing. Hope you have a great week!
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